Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Stand By Me

Jess Cassidy

Dr Ellis

Post Colonial Lit.

17 November 2010

Yes, I am determined to write some kind of comparison on Chris Chambers and Dean. Its just something I am able to connect, like the coordinates on a map. I have the song on my IPOD as I'm writing this. No not to get me in the mood; I just like the song. I know that its hard to connect this book to a coming of age story, but its interesting in its similarities to Stephen King's story.

I know what its like to have a larger-than-life character and make him extraordinary to the point that he is so big he pops like a balloon. It happens when you least expect it too. Unfortunately my horses are brought into the equation again, or is it fortunate? Just ask my long time manager/trainer Steve and he'd tell you. It scares me that every month I can remember a stop on tour and what show was what date, strange how that hasn't happened in six years; I guess its just habit.

I had Steve for two years that should have been ten. I had to write out specific horses names, and what Olympic rider they went with, my boots had to be polished, my shirt had to match my socks, I even had to remember not to chew gum after my lesson. These knit-pickey details became my world at (ironically) freshman year in high school. No experimenting for me. Jeans jackets were replaced with R.L Polos and then homework became a form of homeschooling (tutors while we were on the road and tutors for when I was home). Physically I had not traveled at all;same school same town, same friends, but psychologically I had traveled a galaxy.

I know how it feels to lose a "Dean". On October 4th, 2004 I felt like my heart was being ripped in two pieces. There was never a REAL reason why someone like Steve, who got a six figure salary doing what he loved would leave a twenty five year relationship. My mother (who functioned as my manager before 2002) had her theories and I was scared because they were probably right. The woman knows people, and she had his number from day one. I never got over it;I'll never get over it.

The last real conversation we had was in 2006. It was a very long conversation, and I think that's one of the things that killed me in the end, was that I was, at that point very turned off. And I don't know how that happened, eventually I had to push it away in order to stop the pain. October 4th I've dreaded since 2004. It just shocks me how the main character in On The Road leaves us with such a cliffhanger and I was also left with a cliffhanger in my personal life. I feel Dean was never reliable enough to sustain friendship or any relationship while I was reading it, and I didn't even realize i had the same thing in my life. I think, at times we tend to over-rely on people who we feel are reliable. Very often that comes crashing down because we are all human. If I had to count the times that happened to me and Steve it would be a few. I never had the brain chemistry at sixteen or seventeen to take him out of that God-like image, and that's where you get into trouble at times. He had something so intoxicating, that I just wanted to be immersed in that; I wanted to be around it 24/7.

As we've talked about in class, there are Deans. Where/when we meet them is questionable in our own journeys. The key, like many of us mentioned over the past week, is TO recognize it when its happening, which is the hard part.

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